One Week Later
June 7th, 2010 by Carol
Well, I’ve been outside my old schedule and rhythm for one week now.
It strange — on the one hand, I feel like I’ve been VERY busy — on the other hand, I feel the absence of my usual routine pretty keenly. It’s like the moment you push the boat from shore and jump in, grabbing for the oars. The first few moments, you’re busy just trying to steady your craft, and even if you have a clear destination in mind, you don’t have much attention to the concept of “making headway”.
It feels a bit like that to me — rocking and bobbing and dipping the oars into confused water, watching to make sure you don’t simply wash back ashore or run into a rock.
I’ve done three episodes of MadWoman@Play now, and while I realize that I’m finding my way there, too, I can already tell that I’m not satisfied with its rambling nature. It seems a bit too much like “small talk” to me at this point, while I want to be doing “large talk”.
And, I confess, I miss Circle already in some ways — so Ashielah and I are talking about doing something that feeds that desire for weekly contact with the spiritual — perhaps we’ll sit with Carruch privately — I’ve even been considering going to a Friends meeting, which surprises me a bit. It sounds very appealing to sit in silence in the presence of others who are focusing toward the Divine.
This is Monday, and maybe I’m picking up on the collective sigh that Monday can bring, but honestly? — this morning I woke up and felt a bit aimless. I’m glad to be breaking up patterns that were feeling habitual and mindless to me, but I’m also sensing how much I need structure.
That’s my report for today. I wonder what will happen next?